Stories and Lifestyle

Things worth knowing in everyday life Those of our readers who have already read our book "Der Amerikanische Traum" (The American Dream) may remember the chapter about everyday life in the US. Today, we will look at everyday life in the US from a different angle - from the European point of view and taking into consideration the many cultural differences between everyday mentality here and there.

General information America has many faces and many different opinions. It is not only the land of opportunity, it is also the land of discrepancy. The attitude towards America changes from generation to generation and with historical events - here as well as there. The US is a country with 50 states. Many are larger in land area than the Federal Republic of Germany, but all are less populated. The country is so big that you might want to ask "what is an American?"

If you are a guest in the country, don't immediately point out the mistakes and weaknesses of politics, society and way of life. You should rather show them what you like about the country and the American Way of Life. This doesn't mean you are not allowed to criticize or point out problems. However, as a guest you should try not to criticize too much in order to be polite. Because in the US, politeness, friendliness and thoughtfulness have higher priority. They don't like foreigners to criticize their mistakes, their political and social problems, because they regard that as impoliteness, as attacking their country and hurting their national pride.

Time and custom Americans are very hands-on. Time is the present. Time must not be wasted - "be active" is the slogan. Being conscious of time means "right now." So, Americans have very strict time management. "Time is money." So you always show up on time to an appointment, a meeting, to a date. If you do long-term planning in the German business sector, you are thinking about the next ten years. In America, you are thinking about the next two. That's why in America, business is being handled a lot quicker. Also in everyday life at meetings and conferences - the topic and the agenda are handled much more quickly because everyone is better prepared.

Americans place great emphasis on friendliness, politeness and contacts. The guest should always be feeling all right. This applies to the guest in the country as well as to the private guest at home, in business life and among students. So you will be asked continuously how you like it. Their pride in the American Way of Life makes them expect a positive answer. However, don't take the phrases you'll hear a lot too literally ("How are you?" or "Nice to meet you." Or "What have you been doing in ... ?"). Only later conversations will show how much the other person is actually interested in you. Americans generally greet everyone with "How are you?" but they don't expect an honest answer to that question, but just the stereotypical "Fine, thanks." or "It's okay." They don't really want to know how the other person is, this would be much too personal.

So, "How are you" is just a general way of greeting people, similar to "hello." Demonstrating openness by making compliments, smiling, friendly greeting, using the other person's first name are important parts of everyday interaction with other people. And people will be behaving quite similarly in business life, even if in that case customers are being treated in a friendly and polite way to make profits. In order to ensure this behavior, many employees are being paid on a sales-related basis.

Despite the many general and individual phrases, every American wants social acceptance. Because they want to be accepted they place great emphasis on self-control, meaning they will not openly display anger, annoyance, frustration etc. Reprehensions in public are hurtful. So even negative answers will always be encoded. "Sorry, but I'm busy" is an excuse, an indirect rejection. "I'll see you" doesn't really mean anything. They are just trying to be nice.

To Americans, it is important to have fun, to enjoy themselves, to meet new people and get to know them. Sometimes it is difficult to understand the difference between the American's politeness, friendliness, desire for harmony and individualism. The individuality determines his or her actions, time, leisure time, sociableness. Even within a group, he or she will keep his or her own individuality. Since everybody feels responsible for himself or herself, the own interests determine the individuals actions. Everything you do for yourself, your own progress, your own interest, is important. That's why everyone wants to solve problems himself or herself and act freely and autonomously. If a group no longer allows you to pursue your own interests, you will leave the group. You don't want to be tied to others too closely with what you do, and if possible you want to avoid social responsibilities. An American will not accept an invitation he or she isn't interested in. And social gatherings that will last for hours here in Germany will dissolve quickly after dinner in America.

Relationships and social behavior Where Germany differentiates between the formal "Sie" and the informal "Du" in addressing people, "you" is the only word existing to address people on the other side of the pond. That alone already puts all contacts on a more equal level and shortens the distance between people. Americans are proud of being able to decide for themselves without being subject to formal obligations. If he or she decides to be like the others - even in outer appearance - that's because he or she fears to be refused social acceptance and social recognition if he is too far away from the norm.

The shortcomings of the American governmental social and insurance system can be easily explained if you know that Americans don't expect the government to help them because it is not responsible for private difficulties. On the other hand, charities and relief organizations are a lot more wide-spread in the private sector. Almost every second American volunteers for a charity or a relief organization. So they are very willing to help others personally. To care for others does not contradict the individualistic sentiment that dominates their thinking. American individualism is not to be confused with an egoistic, egocentric, ruthless pursuit of success.

They don't want to meddle in the affairs of others, question the actions of others or feel responsible for the others' actions. That way they protect their individual space in living side by side with others. Since the Americans are very mobile, long-term relationships are not that important anyway. For us Europeans, for example, friendship means a close and desired connection and most of us have a tight and close circle of friends. Americans don't define this as strictly. They give up on existing relationships if they don't have common interests anymore. Common interests are the basis of friendship for them. More important for them are usually new contacts and changing relationships. You can see the degree of relationships in the hierarchical terminology "friend - good friend - very good friend - best friend." A friend is more or less anyone you know or have just met. Only the best friend would probably correspond to the European idea of a "real" friend.